A moment of Silence, Lonliness and Happiness to a moment of Terror, Excitement and Embarrassment

I am standing in the terrace deep in my thoughts, so deep that I couldn't see what is happening around me. This is a place I love the most, for, it gives the loniness when you want or breeze or the space it gives you to play or to read or to enjoy with people you love.

AS usual I am enjoying my stay here. Suddenly, I there is something deiiferent, or may be not something, everything, yes everything around me is going dark. I want to come out of this, out of this darkness, I started looking for a source of light (at least a shine or a glow) in all the directions - right, left, front, back, even towards sky. But, couldn't find any. (The clouds are shielding the twinkle from above). May be everything in this world wants me to stay in the darknes or may be I am imagining this.

Getting restless, I am turning around to see if i can find something, Suddenly, I could see a shine, I turn back at that direction. I have seen so many things shine, but, this particular shine was different, it came from a pair of black pearls. I couldn't identity what they are. I tried to observe them carefully, but, again I couldn't see what they are. But, I could see this, they are approaching me slowly. I was waiting to see them in close. They were moving for sure, that too, towards me. But then, I couldn't see them closer. They remained in the same place. I didn't know what to do. I am nervous to approach them, I want to shout, but, I am afraid to even do that. I have become still. May be I am wrong, some part of my body is moving. Yes, it is true. My right hand, it is moving to fetch those pearls, but, am I not afraid, how am I doing this. However, the truth is that I am moving my hand and moving towards the pair. I couldn't reach them. Now, I could feel another part of my body moving. Yes, my right foot, it took a step. I couldn't reach still, but, I was closer, closer than before, but, not good enough. Now, I streched my hand to catch them, I am sure I can hold them in my hand in jus a second. Now, not a part, but, whole of my body moved, my face kissed the ground. Yes, I fell down with a thud. More terror, I don't know if I should get up, or may be I should even run, there is some pain due to the fall. But, I am not in a position to show it now. As I am trying to put my head up, I could hear some sound, some sound only humans can make. I heard a burst of laughter. I knew what is around me now, I am not afraid any more, but, I couldn't put my head up. I could see my nephews laughing at me. Why wouldn't they when they witnessed such a scene.

Falling down on the ground isn't such a shame, but, to fall down from bed in front of kids is definitely not something you want to do.

The Day I Remember

Hey guys,
This is going to be a special one for me, even though, it may not be the same for you. It might be little boring to most of you guys as i pen down almost all the incidents i can recall from one of my great days (In fact, I don't think I have got any other as of now). If you have patience, go ahead.

I thought of writing about this for a long time, but, didn't get a reason or correct time to write, and now, i think, is the perfect time.

This time I would like to share my experience of what happened a year back.
As I was walking down the road, back to my house, after a short trip in bus, I realized what day today is or may be how today was jus an year back. It happened on 5th August, 2008.

It was my 11th appearance for any company.
The day before, that is, on 4th August, 2008, I browsed in the net for knowing about the company, and i didn't understand anything what so ever about it, or may be i didn't understand why they need engineers for their company (at that time I didn't know that it was TESCO HSC, i knew it as TESCO).

I had to go to St.Josephs College for the placement, after getting confirmation from my friends that i can take their bus to reach there, I went to sleep.
I think i did have some sleep that day.
Then, the next day, I got up early and went to the bus stop at 6 15 am with my formal dress (white shirt with light pink stripes and a Grey trouser) one more time (11th in fact).
I had a totally different experience in their bus from the one i usually do. For an instance, I thought everyone is gonna attend the placement cos thats the day we (my college mates) wear formals. These guys were reading seriously, (I was pretty sure it's not the university exams ) unlike the guys of my college who would be busy with their head phones or some in deep sleep. (What a coincidence, as i write about the bus experience, i can hear Valaiosai song from Satyaa). You believe it or not, some of them were even standing and reading. Anyways, I didn't bother to talk to anyone of them. But at the end, i had to as I was new to the college and I didn't know the geography of the college.
I was happy to see some familiar faces when I got down. As some of my college mates gathered, we went to register our names, we were asked to switch off the mobile phones, In fact they didn't even like our idea of bringing one (That's how it is in their college, but, I don't know why).
Then, I met one of my school friend after a long time. He too was there for the same reason as I.

All of us were very excited about the breakfast, this college is as famous for the food it provides. But, we were little disappointed that we had to stand and eat on the road and also, cos we didn't get the "vada".
Then, we went to sit on the stairs before the auditorium. As we were chatting about different things, buses from other colleges too arrived. Again we were excited, I think you know why (:P). As I eyes were wandering around, they stopped suddenly, to let me see one of the beautiful girls in a white chudidhar. She was really awesome, seemed very excited about the placement, which I can see from her animated gestures.

I remember even now, the little talk with one of my friend, he was asking me if I am serious about this company as we didn't know what it is based on. I was feeling like "anything is ok for me for now", but to be honest I didn't know if I can clear even if I was serious.

As we killed some more time, we were asked to get into the auditorium. I don't know how to describe it, but let me try, it was big one(unlike ours, in which hardly 100 ppl can occupy) and had a high roof, it had some mysterious pipes, about which even now I don't have any idea of what they are or why they are there. The auditorium had neither fans nor AC for the audience. As we settled down, we saw our placement officer greeting us.

So, the guys from the company gave us some idea about the company. They told how big the company(TESCO) is and what will be TESCO HSC do.

After the presentation, as we were searching for the classes to write the test, I was irritated to see so many boards saying "Mobile phones are banned here, use of mobile phone is restricted here", believe me they were located on every pillar.

As we finished our tests, we were again excited, not about the results but about the lunch. Since it was Tuesday, we would get to eat non-veg too (:D). But we were locked inside the gates (I knew the college is compared to jail, but this, I never expected). We were to go the mess in the next batch. In the MEAN time, I went to see my school friend and talked with him for sometime to catch up with each other.

When the gates were opened, the time was around 2 pm or even more, we were starving. But, again, to be honest, I was disappointed, I didn't like the place first of all, then the way they served, then the hygiene, oops, probably I would not like to eat there again.

We came back to the classes for the results after having stuffed something to the tummy. We waited there again (Don't remember the time exactly but may be 45 mins).

The wait was worth at least for me, as they called my name first among the ten others. I was happy that they did, but, next is the great hurdle I never crossed before. This was the 8th time I cleared an aptitude test. I was more nervous this time cos this is the first time I am not in my college and this is first time I don't have any of my college mates around me. Believe me, even now, I could feel the nervousness ( I made quiet a lot of mistakes here while typing). I entered the room and I sat down in front of four of them. They introduced themselves and asked me to do the same. Then, there were few questions about computers, then few typical HR questions and then, a puzzle. As i finished the interview, they asked me to wait outside. As I was wondering thinking about my answers if I had any chance to clear this time, I was called again, this time into another cabin. Two elderly gentlemen were there to greet me with a smile as i tried to reflect their smile and tried to cover my nervousness. Again, they had asked me the questions, some of them I have already answered in the 1st round of interview. Towards the end, I think my answered ticked them, they laughed as they bid adieu to me.

If you think this is the end, I am sorry to disappoint you, Because only the things that happened after this are more dramatic, at least for me.
I entered a room where the other people were still waiting for the turn, I was asked to sit away from them.

Then, I had to fill two forms. As I was trying to fill them, I saw another guy entering the room. I was happy till now that I was asked to fill the forms cos I thought i got selected, but this guy was also given the similar forms, so, I thought may be they ask everyone to fill. But after a while i could see the forms were not given to anyone else, again I was thinking "may be they don't want to waste the forms by asking everyone to fill, they realized this only now". We (ppl who finished with the interview) were asked to shift to another room. I didn't feel like talking to any of them, rather I was tired to do it.

Now, everyone finished their interviews, I slept there for sometime, or was just keeping my head down on the desk and listening to what people were saying. Some of them were discussing what happened in the interview. I could also see the girl in the white chudidhar, but, now, I was not in a mood to look at her. But, I could still hear her, I was amused by the way she spoke, I don't now why, I like girls who talk a lot and added to this, she looked or sounded little innocent, I think anyone would like her. Anyways, as i was listening to others, the door opened and the guy (I think he was from merit trac), he called out four names and gave the similar forms. Guess what! things were going in my mind already. I thought (some of my friends scold me as to why i presume things myself, this should tell me why) only these four are selected.

Then, I got a call from one of my friend who was eager to know what happened, and I said what ever I had believed then, I told him that four guys names were called and they filled some forms, so they are the ones who got selected. When I ended the call, there were lot of things going in my mind, I felt ashamed, I felt hurt, I remember even now, I was thinking why don't I jump from the floor we were. I was scolding myself as to how many more opportunities do I need to get placed. In fact, I believed I did ok this time, I was thinking if this was not enough, would I be able to do something more than this, would I ever get placed. As I was talking with the only friend I had around (my mind), we were asked to come out of the room, then we were asked to enter a room, only 7 of us, among the 10 who attended the interview. Till then, I thought all of us were going to the room to know the results. But, then, I realized that there were three people who didn't enter. Do you know what I thought then, I thought I had mistakenly entered the room, which I shouldn't have, I thought even they didn't realize that I entered the room. But, I was not able to ask anyone anything. I was again nervous thinking how embarrassing it would be if they found I had entered the room and to be sent out (Believe me once again, I was very sure that I was not selected). One of the female from the company gave us the visiting card, while one more lady was talking to us, but, I was afraid and waiting for them to send me out. I was waiting for an opportunity so that I could ask anyone alone if I can get out. When these guys left, I thought this is the time, I went to the guy from merit trac and asked him "you asked to enter only those four guys called sometime back na?, I was not among those four.................". He gave me a chuckle seeing my terrified eyes and asked me "you did fill the form right?" I said "Ya, I did, but, that was when I finished the interview, I didn't fill the forms now,........". He again gave me that chuckle and told me "Don't worry, you are also selected".


Yes, This was the day i got placed in TESCO HSC. That is the moment, when I realized that I was indeed selected for the first time for any company. I couldn't believe it again, but, this time I knew I had got selected for sure, I was about to cry, but, made sure I won't let others see my tears, I became numb. As I got out of the room, I called my sister and talked to her, she asked me what happened, I said "I got selected" in such a way that she can take it for not being selected, but, she knew that the words and sound were contradicting each other. She asked me again and told her again. This time, she did understand what I was saying, she congratulated me and asked me why wasn't I excited about it, but, she did understand and wanted me to be realize what happened, so, she said bye. That is the moment I really missed my close ones. That is the moment, when, for the first time in my life I wanted to hug someone or lie down on someone's lap and cry. I wanted that someone very badly at that moment. Then, I called a couple of my friends to share my fortune. I was very much lost that I didn't talk to any other person who got selected, which I regret even today.